I’m not. Yet. It’s likely to happen sometime this year though. And I’ve been thinking for awhile about when is the “right time” to tell people. I know the general consensus is 12 weeks, when you’ve passed the riskiest time for miscarriage. But. Why shouldn’t you tell people? And then if you miscarry, tell them that this terrible thing has happened. For me personally, I would want to openly grieve if I were to miscarry my baby, which would be pretty hard if it were a secret that I was preggers in the first place. It seems like it would just be making the subject of miscarriage more taboo, and much more lonely. I know it’s different for everyone though.
After reading through some blogs of other people’s experiences, I will clarify that by “telling people”, I generally mean people close to us: friends and family, close colleagues. The people I would want around me to support us should anything go wrong. Not really the woman on the oval walking her 5 dogs I saw this morning…
So if you are pregnant, or already have kids, how far along were you before you told the world that you were up the duff? I’m very interested to know!
The reason I’m clucky as a mother hen? Just check out this munchkin! Who wouldn’t want that? Featuring for the third time on my blog, my bestie Caz’s baby, Ashley. Also my friend Ferris’ baby, Sienna, is totally amazing. And Nick and Jess’ Heidi, gorgeous. I don’t have photos of them though. Tell you what, it’s time for a boy!
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I am not preggers (yet) but if I were to be, I am on the same boat as you about telling close family, friends, etc. prior to the 12-week mark. If a miscarriage were to occur, I would prefer to have a support group of those I love than to have to grieve in private…but of course, to each their own! It’s a personal choice :)
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Mikaela Reply:
February 5th, 2010 at 9:48 pm
Yeah I suppose it’s easy for us to say “I’d do this”, but until it’s happened we wouldn’t really know for sure what would be best!
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We were going to wait until 12 weeks with our first, but once we got that big positive and the confirmation from the doctor, we were too excited not to tell! And we figured that if anything did go wrong we would tell our family anyway, so we told our parents pretty much the day we found out. We then slowly leaked the news out to the rest of our family and friends. We waited until 12 weeks to tell the world though, lol
We didnt tell anyone else this time until 12 weeks, and then people were upset with us for not telling :(
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Mikaela Reply:
February 5th, 2010 at 9:48 pm
And then if you tell them before the 12 weeks, you get the “tut-tut”’s for telling people “early”, am I right?
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Amanda Reply:
February 7th, 2010 at 10:41 am
Yeah pretty much! You cant win either way, so I say just go with what feels right for you at the time, its your news after all!!
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I was very excited when I fell pregnant the 2nd time as it had been a long wait between pregnancies. My first was 4 at the time and getting pregnant again had not been easy. I told friends, family (who were all in NZ while we lived in Canberra), church members etc. Unfortunately I did miscarry at 10 weeks (medically they call it a spontaneous abortion which is an absolutely disgusting name imo) which was absolutely devastating but I am not sorry that I told people. I had the support of a lot of friends to help me get through it and even in the week leading up to the miscarriage where I was spotting and confined to bed they all rallied around and brought over casseroles etc and looked after my little one for me so I could rest.
I think you go with what your instincts tell you. It is an exciting time and if you want to share the news then good for you and if you want to treasure it and keep it to yourself for just a bit longer then do that. Either way has benefits and minuses.
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A plea for you to consider the ethics of purchasing maternity clothes. Let’s face it, if people are going to have a child in this world, it’s only right to make sure the world remains in a good state! Therefore please try and think about, for example, the cloth your items are made from, the human rights of the employees where they’re made and the ethics of the clothes retailer. Oh, and endeavour to pass on, rather than throwing away. Thanks!!!!
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